Scoring with a Sports Fan During the World Cup

On the back of the U.S. getting knocked out of the World Cup, we at Frugal Bachelor thought it would be appropriate to provide some counsel on how you can maximize on the current football fever (European football, in case you have been living under a rock): hook up with an athletic chick.

As one of the few American males that doesn’t really have a vested emotional interest in sports, I’ve had to learn to feign interest in certain social situations, particularly in the context of a cute girl being in to whatever game is on in the background at the Irish pub I’m chilling in on a random Wednesday night.

Let’s say it’s a World Cup game.  A good opener would be something like, “I really think Kaká’s football skills are more a thing of art, as opposed to just pure sport.”  This shows you have a deeper appreciation of the game than the Jersey meathead that bought her a drink during the first half.  In the current environment of Americans actually giving (or faking desperately to give*) a shit about soccer, keep your eyes peeled for a woman that has some affiliation to a particular country that is still in it.  She is either from there (ideal), has one parent that’s from there (still very good), or has at least traveled / studied abroad there at some point.  Giveaways include: a particular team’s scarf, any form of face paint, or, obviously, a team jersey.  Even if you can’t spot any of these signs, if she looks at the screen more than three times, it’s definitely worth a shot.

Once you’ve determined which team she’s a fan of, mention that you are a fan of the rival, ideally calling out a player on her team that you dislike.  In New York, this is easy for baseball; even in my deep ignorance, I can still come up with David Wright or Derek Jeter under pressure (… and Mike Piazza.  He still around?).  This will help break the ice and hopefully elicit some playful flirting on her part while she tells you how much better her team is than yours.  If her team wins and you haven’t managed to offend her, you are in.

Lastly, wear a hooded sweatshirt.  You gotta be careful trying to pull off a baseball cap — especially at a bar, because some guys, including myself, just look stupid in them.  Conversely, it doesn’t even matter if your sweatshirt has a team name on it, girls that like sports love dudes in hoodies.  Apparently it makes us look “cuddly” and non-threatening.  Plus you get the benefit of that big, two-handed pocket.

The worst thing you can do is admit ignorance too soon.  It’s one thing if you are backed into a corner, but if you have the luxury of scoping out the situation before you open your big fat mouth, you can probably glean enough info to make a witty quip or two and stay on her radar as a potential make out once her friend comes back with celebratory shots of Patron (“Was that Dan Marino that just scored that touchdown?”).  Just try not to get overzealous and play yourself by sloshing your beer around and splashing her… unless she looks like she’d like that sort of thing.

*Disclaimer: Bachelors, please be on the lookout for particular ladies who are trolling the bars looking for amped up gentlemen such as yourself during the World Cup games.  I imagine that the quotient of quivering ovaries looking to mate with athletic, masculine sperm will dramatically decline for the rest of Football Fever after America’s loss to Ghana, but I’m sure that there will still be a good handful of girls in any bar you catch a game at that are more intent on your testosterone than the television.  These are more often than not the “Woohoo!” girls.  Wait for her to wink at you, or to tip her newly-purchased insert-whatever-country-is-playing’s visor to you, and take her home.  Then never call her again.