BIRTH CONTROL: Sale on Peruvian condoms at the Duane Reade, huh? Reduced price on the vegan organic sheepskins, eh? Stop and think a moment. Do you really want the term “50% off” to describe your prophylactic? Sure, the never-on-sale Trojans might run you a few extra bucks today, but rest assured, pilgrim, you’ll save in the long run. You may love kids, you may hate them, but everyone can agree that they’re among the most expensive endeavors one can undertake. Pay full price now on those rubbers and thank us later.

THE FIRST ROUND: Going out to get your drank on can be expensive in any city. But if you’re going to spend on any round, why not make it the one you’re most likely to remember? Drinking might be the only occasion where it’s NOT best to Go Ugly Early. Consider this. It’s Thursday. You’re planning on going out for multiple hours of sustained consumption (or “binge drinking” as your mom calls it). And since you’re a terrible drunk, you probably won’t remember anything past 9:30.  It’s fine to end your evening out crushing $2 Milwaukee’s Best until you puke. But why not enjoy a classy microbrew or expressive Chardonnay early on while you’re still semi-conscious?

SHELLFISH: This one’s tricky, because even the best shellfish runs the risk of tearing your insides to shredded wheat. Maybe this primer can help. Local bar is hosting a $1 an oyster happy hour? Yes. Captain Sal Monella’s all-you-can-eat crabfest and truck wash? No. Also, grow up. If you’re going to eat like a college kid, at least spare your intestinal track and fire up some Ramen noodles, you idiot.

ELECTRONICS: Sure, the gas station down the street from you sells a pretty sweet looking DVD player for $15. But believe this, partner, it WILL break much sooner than later.  And then how will you watch your $2 deep discount copy of Weekend at Bernie’s?

TATTOOS: Just dying to get another sweet tribal band around your arm? Still really into Smashing Pumpkins and want to permanently tell the world about it through some permanent ink on your shoulder?  Hey, look, that’s cool.  But the operative word here is ‘permanent,’ as in FOREVER, as in spend the extra cash and get it done right.  There’s a school of thought that suggests getting a haircut from stylists in training, as it’s much cheaper, and it’s no big deal if they really screw up, because the hair will grow back. Do NOT apply that thinking to tattoos.

DENTISTRY:  Read the part about tattoos, jackass.

TOILET PAPER: Do we need to go over this? If you’re not going to spend money here, then when? You can laugh all the way to the bank, but you’ll be itching and scratching and pulling off little white paper berries the whole way.  Your call.

So spend wisely. And remember, when it comes to certain things in life, less is not always more. We now return you to your previously scheduled frugal content.

Here’s a solution for you to make sure you don’t spend more than your budget allows (and still makes your loved ones feel some capitalistic– I mean, Christmas cheer): The Christmas Club.

Thanks to a dear friend of the site, I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to interview nationally renowned (and highly attractive) personal finance expert Sanyika Calloway Boyce on behalf of the Frugal B audience.  We discussed “Christmas Club Savings Accounts,” currently being offered for the 2010 Holiday Season by retailers such as Sears and Kmart, and what they are all about:

Bottom Line: Besides the $5 fee to open an account, you get a 3% return on your investment over a 3 month period, which essentially works out to a 12% APR (i.e., that’s pretty damn good). And it’s not like you won’t be able to find something at Kmart or Sears that you’d be buying elsewhere anyway (oh, Elmo Tickle Hands, release me from your grip of shame!).  Do what you will, but this Frugal B is gonna give it a go.

Sanyika Calloway Boyce who is known as “The Financial Fitness Coach” has delivered over 200
television and radio interviews reaching more than 25.4 million consumers. Her personal story of turning
her financial mess into a powerful message is featured in the Best Selling Chicken Soup for the Soul book
series. As an entrepreneur and the founder/CEO of Financial Fitness Institute, LLC Sanyika resonates
with diverse audiences, especially consumers that are tired of being belittled, talked down to, and made
to feel ashamed about past money mistakes. Her newest book, Give Yourself Credit: How to Develop
the Courage, Confidence and Commitment YOU Need to Move Forward After a Financial Fall has been
highlighted on national TV shows such as: The Today Show (NBC), Wedlock or Deadlock (FOX), and Fox
Business (FOX) as well as several local, regional, and national morning talk shows and news programs.

So, you’re going abroad somewhere.  The easiest option, in terms of distance and cost, is the Caribbean.  Or Mexico.  However,  unless you are really bent on trying to get off the beaten path, you are most likely gonna take the easy route and come back from the trip with nothing more to show for it than a Señor Frogs shot glass and a semi-permanent STD from a Future Farmer of America named Ashlee.

Biased as I may be from having lived in France for a couple of years, I have to imagine that everyone would like to go to at least one country in Europe.  What all this is building up to is suggestions from the Frugal B on how to get to Europe as cheaply as possible without a truly hellish journey (i.e., scoring an amazingly cheap flight to London via Air India, and end up squished between two heavily sweating men, one of whom might begin puking, causing you to puke in response… um… sorry, Will).

Obviously, the first step is to decide where you want to go.  If you are looking for inspiration, consider any friends (or acquaintances that don’t annoy you) who are living abroad; maybe you can go and visit them for part of your trip.  (Free accommodation, free food, free guide — clean shower.  Hopefully.)  Regardless of your destination, some European cities are much more expensive to fly into than others, mostly due to local airport taxes.  Depending on your final destination you may want to fly into a city that is a hub for low cost European short haul airlines so that you have a wider range of options:

• Berlin: AirBerlin, GermanWings
• Geneva: EasyJet
• Dublin: RyanAir

The most expensive hubs are London, Paris, and Madrid.

The basics of booking international flights: There are a number of travel search engines that will find you the best fare available, but there is always one that has the very best deal at any given moment.  Kayak.com claims to aggregate all of the results from the major engines (Orbitz.com, Expedia.com, Travelocity.com, Hotwire.com, Priceline.com), such that you only have to search on one site, but I’ve found that you can still find better deals searching site by site rather than depending solely on Kayak.  I generally start with Orbitz, which has the best price most of the time — plus the bonus of the Orbitz low-price guarantee.

To set your expectations, a “good” deal for r/t flights from JFK or EWR to a European city would be $500, including taxes and fees.  Typical rates during the summer travel season would be $1000, and the best you could possibly find at any time would be $300 (again, including all sneaky fees).  Cheapest days of the week to travel are Tuesday and Wednesday; Friday and Sunday are the most expensive.  It’s worth looking into slightly different dates if you are lucky enough to have a flexible schedule.

Finally, look out for natural disasters.  Frugal Bachelor recently scored an unheard-of $200 one-way flight to Berlin in August on Iceland Express, the ugly stepsister of Iceland Air.  Obviously the deal only exists because of the Icelandic ash cloud that paralyzed all European air traffic a few months ago, but I’ll take it!  A mind-blowing deal is a mind-blowing deal.

Our next article in this series will showcase how to get your, uh, mind blown in hotels/hostels/park benches across Europe once you’ve landed.

– $15 for $35 in Food and Booze at Traffic Restaurant & Bar (Tippr)

– $15 for $35 worth of Food & Drinks (Margaritas!) in Williamsburg at Elote Restaurant. (BuyWithMe).  Happy Hour = Good.  A hardcore discount on Happy Hour = Great.

– $99 for $300 worth of Laser Hair Removal Services (BuyWithMe).  As attractive as your back hair is, you just may find that you become more aerodynamic without it.

Do yourself (and the fine people at Frugal B) a favor, and click the above link to BuyWithMe to check it out for yourself.  You can take up with me personally if you regret doing so.

Surprisingly, the best place to buy cereal is NOT at a supermarket, but at a large pharmacy chain such as CVS or Duane Reade.  I could (and may) write an entire article on how CVS is tha bomb digs, but the point here is that grocery stores expect you to blindly purchase necessities such as laundry detergent without looking at the price tag, while you could be paying half that at a pharmacy chain.

Items you might intuitively think you should buy at a supermarket, but in reality are almost always cheaper at CVS or Duane Reade:

• Cereal
• Toilet Paper (buy the largest pack they have for the best value)
• Paper towels
• Detergent

Grocery stores in the city do, of course, play their role.  Personally, I make the rounds in my neighborhood between Food Emporium, Gourmet Garage, and Gristedes every few days.  Not only does this allow me to score the things I like that are on sale at each store in a given week, but living in a 5^th floor walkup, I never really want to buy more than four bags of groceries at a time anyways.  Being the Frugal bastard that I am, I of course sign up for a rewards program at every store I frequent that offers one (you should do this at the pharmacy chains as well!).  By buying only things that I like that are on sale (unless, of course, I really need a particular item), I generally save 30% or more off the retail price.

Items you should buy at the grocery store:

• Orange Juice.  You can almost always find a “2 for $7” or “2 for $6” deal.
• Ice cream (Ben & Jerry is often 2 pints for $5 at Food Emporium)
• Bread
• Yogurt.  It ALWAYS seems to be on sale at grocery stores.  Probably because it will expire next week, but who cares if you are planning on eating it tomorrow?

I’d also like to give an (unpaid) shout out to Gourmet Garage.  With 6 locations around NYC, this place is a hidden gem.  Peep the store locator here, and check it out.

Finally, if all else fails, go to Queens.  Only a few subway stops away, buying an identical item from someone that doesn’t need to pay Manhattan rent for their store location can instantly knock 30% off of any price.  Diminishing returns if you need to then transport a large item back to the city by subway (schlepping a Costco-sized package of toilet paper up to the apartment you’re illegally subletting will surely raise suspicion from neighbors and landlords).  There are other great local ethnic food markets all around Queens, especially Astoria (Greek/European), Elmhurst (All types of Asian), Corona (All types of Latino), and Flushing (Chinese/Korean).  And last but not least, frozen dinners (a sad but very true reality of Manhattan single life) can run up to $6.00 a meal in Manhattan, but are only $2 a piece in Queens supermarkets!

What other cost-cutting moves do you make on your grocery runs?  Manhattan or not, share your own frugal tips below!

Map of All-You-Can-Drink Brunches across NYC via Wined & Dined NYC

52 Cheap Things to Do in NYC This Summer via Time Out New York

Last Chance to Get a Free Frappe at McDonalds today July 9 via NYC Recession Diary

American Eagle Giving Away Free Smartphones? via PulseJFK

Free Movies @ The Intrepid: Ghostbusters via IntrepidMuseum.org

List of NYC Bars with the Best Air Conditioning via MurphGuide

10.  Have a threesome. First off, this is a wish list, not a deposition, so I’ll admit upfront that I have yet to achieve this myself.  Clearly, getting it on with two women at once is a fantasy of 99% of straight males, so I won’t expand on this other than to say that there is absolutely no shame in going ugly early in order to pull this off.   Instead, I did an in-depth investigation with my friends (I started a gchat thread), and this is what they said about threesomes:

• The best advice I’ve received on the subject was this:  Be the last man standing.  Only good things can happen if you are just hanging around, down for whatever at 4am.
• I’m pretty sure if I was ever propositioned for a threesome I would laugh real hard, engage only because I feel like I should, and fail miserably at satisfying all three participants.
• So many variables are involved, is it like pitching a perfect game? Is it luck or skill? Both? Does a threesome with a girlfriend count? Or is that a different thing?
• Wait, I can’t have a threesome after 30?? Actually, I guess at that point you become a swinger.

9.  Vomit in a taxi.  But be apologetic about it, Keanu. It has to be at least 1 am for this to become a funny story.  Extra points if you are with a hot girl when this happens and still manage to take her home.  You should also tip well, if you still have any cash on you after unleashing your inner beast on the city.

8.  Drive cross country. Any country.  Luxembourg doesn’t count.  Roadside restaurants in the middle of nowhere can be a frugal bachelor’s dream come true.

7.  Simultaneously date two girls that are both five years your junior and senior at the same time. The Frugal Bachelor and Dateline NBC suggest that you wait until you are at least 23 — the perfect age again — for this one.  Make sure to stay on top of your game for this one, as you are gonna need to plan carefully, and keep your cell phone to yourself so there’s zero chance of them crossing paths.

6.  Get fired from a job because you are going to a party, or some other stupid reason.  You’ll find a way to replace that $6.25 an hour, and it becomes a bigger issue to replace your salary and benefits a bit later on.  The stakes get much higher if you trash your professional reputation at a ‘real’ job.

5.  Get kicked out of a professional sporting event or concert. You weren’t “really there” unless you were forced to leave by a uniformed guard.

4.  Ruin a rented tuxedo, but return it anyway and never get charged for it.  Self-explanatory.

3.  Open a 401k AND a Roth IRA.  While not as sexy as a three-way, this will make you a baller in the long run.  The earlier you open up retirement accounts, the longer that dough has to compound, and the more comfortable you’ll be later in life, in return for a relatively very small cost to your present livelihood.  Think long-term.

2.  Listen to Ready To Die at least 100 times.  It gets deeper every time.

1.  Lose your virginity.

Some respectable runners up, which, for those adventurous still-twenty-somethings out there, could all be completed in one night:

• Have a drunken night so crazy that even you are amazed by the tale.  In a good way.  There will be plenty of nights that you’d rather not talk about.
• Sleep with a girl from each continent.
  
• Go to Vegas – but only for 48 hours; that’s enough.  You’ll see why.
• Take an “upper decker” at a crowded party.  Only if the recipient truly deserves it.  There are a lot of assholes out there, so you can probably find a way to justify this.

If you are able to accomplish at least a simple majority of the aforementioned achievements by the time you enter your fourth decade, you’ll be in a great position to eventually become this guy:

As one of the few American males that doesn’t really have a vested emotional interest in sports, I’ve had to learn to feign interest in certain social situations, particularly in the context of a cute girl being in to whatever game is on in the background at the Irish pub I’m chilling in on a random Wednesday night.

Let’s say it’s a World Cup game.  A good opener would be something like, “I really think Kaká’s football skills are more a thing of art, as opposed to just pure sport.”  This shows you have a deeper appreciation of the game than the Jersey meathead that bought her a drink during the first half.  In the current environment of Americans actually giving (or faking desperately to give*) a shit about soccer, keep your eyes peeled for a woman that has some affiliation to a particular country that is still in it.  She is either from there (ideal), has one parent that’s from there (still very good), or has at least traveled / studied abroad there at some point.  Giveaways include: a particular team’s scarf, any form of face paint, or, obviously, a team jersey.  Even if you can’t spot any of these signs, if she looks at the screen more than three times, it’s definitely worth a shot.

Once you’ve determined which team she’s a fan of, mention that you are a fan of the rival, ideally calling out a player on her team that you dislike.  In New York, this is easy for baseball; even in my deep ignorance, I can still come up with David Wright or Derek Jeter under pressure (… and Mike Piazza.  He still around?).  This will help break the ice and hopefully elicit some playful flirting on her part while she tells you how much better her team is than yours.  If her team wins and you haven’t managed to offend her, you are in.

Lastly, wear a hooded sweatshirt.  You gotta be careful trying to pull off a baseball cap — especially at a bar, because some guys, including myself, just look stupid in them.  Conversely, it doesn’t even matter if your sweatshirt has a team name on it, girls that like sports love dudes in hoodies.  Apparently it makes us look “cuddly” and non-threatening.  Plus you get the benefit of that big, two-handed pocket.

The worst thing you can do is admit ignorance too soon.  It’s one thing if you are backed into a corner, but if you have the luxury of scoping out the situation before you open your big fat mouth, you can probably glean enough info to make a witty quip or two and stay on her radar as a potential make out once her friend comes back with celebratory shots of Patron (“Was that Dan Marino that just scored that touchdown?”).  Just try not to get overzealous and play yourself by sloshing your beer around and splashing her… unless she looks like she’d like that sort of thing.

*Disclaimer: Bachelors, please be on the lookout for particular ladies who are trolling the bars looking for amped up gentlemen such as yourself during the World Cup games.  I imagine that the quotient of quivering ovaries looking to mate with athletic, masculine sperm will dramatically decline for the rest of Football Fever after America’s loss to Ghana, but I’m sure that there will still be a good handful of girls in any bar you catch a game at that are more intent on your testosterone than the television.  These are more often than not the “Woohoo!” girls.  Wait for her to wink at you, or to tip her newly-purchased insert-whatever-country-is-playing’s visor to you, and take her home.  Then never call her again.

P2P lending, in essence, is loaning very small amounts of money directly to a person that needs it for a particular expense in their lives who, for whatever reason, can’t get a good interest rate from a retail bank. I initially associated the term with micro-lending to rural farmers in Africa that were literally borrowing $100 to buy seeds so that they would have crops to tend that year, which sounded like a pretty noble cause, but also seemed like an insignificant financial investment. What I’ve only come to learn recently, however, is that it has now become very easy to lend to other American consumers that are trying to pay down credit card debt, their car note, or finance a wedding by purchasing a small fraction of their total loan (which can be between $2000 and $20,000), and you get a crazy high interest rate on top of it.

I was put on to LendingClub.com about two months ago, impressed by their promotion at the time in which they matched the first $25 you invest, so I figured why not get an immediate 100% return on my small investment? It took a good ten days for the account to get fully set up and funded, but then I was able to start browsing notes and evaluating the borrower: their basic information, the reason for the loan, their plan to pay it off, etc.

Based on the borrower’s credit history, interest rates range from 7% to 20%, with Lending Club taking about a 1% commission. In an environment where the typical high yield savings account is yielding 1.25%, 7% is pretty dope — let alone 14.5%, which is the average return I’m getting so far with the measly $100 that I have invested.

All loans are divided into $25 increments, so you can buy “a share” of the loan. You get paid the same way a bank collects mortgage payments: by receiving interest and a small percentage of your original (capital) investment at the same time, such that a $25 investment is paying out approximately $.85 a month. My personal goal is to have enough interest income to buy one new share a month, which would be approximately $800, still a small investment.

The thing I really like about LendingClub is that you get to personally gauge the borrower based on their overall internet etiquette and online presence, so it seems relatively simple to avoid sketchballs. To be clear, I’m still no expert on Peer2Peer lending just yet, which is why I’ve only dipped a toe in the water so far, but if it really is possible to get a consistent 14% return on your investment, I would be one stoked Frugal Bachelor.

Apparently these discount sites promise participating businesses that they will guarantee X number of customers in return for providing a sick incentive, such as a 1-hour massage for $25.  You, the frugal consumer, pay your $25 to the discount site, and once the agreed-upon number of vouchers has been purchased, the deal is active and valid for everyone that purchased it. The best part is that you aren’t really risking anything, because if the required number of vouchers for the deal isn’t met, you simply get a refund back to the credit card you bought the voucher on.  In this way, the business gets a shitload of publicity and customers, and you get hooked up.

I believe the site that pioneered this concept is Groupon.com.  You may have noticed their ads on this site; I’ve seriously used them to buy a dental cleaning, including x-rays and an “oral consultation” (not the kind I was hoping for, but still helpful) – a $300 value, for $50.   To my surprise, it actually went really smoothly.  I simply called the dentist’s office once the deal had ‘tipped’ (i.e., enough peeps had purchased it) and made an appointment, specifying that I had a Groupon.  They saw me the next week, performed all that was promised in the deal, and that was that.  Holler.

Two similar sites have since sprung up: LivingSocial.com, and BuyWithMe.com.  Their offers are comparable to those of Groupon (again, a minimum discount of 50% off regular price), so I don’t feel any particular brand affinity with one over the others.  Whenever any of them offer a dope deal, I buy.  The only distinguishing element that I’ve noticed is that on top of the deal itself, BuyWithMe will give you your deal FREE if you can persuade 3 of your friends to also buy in.  While this sounds great in theory, I’ve never been able to convince three other people to buy from the 5 times I’ve bought there.  Hopefully that will change after this article, BETH GOLUB.

I should note that there is only one deal offered per day, and that the vouchers are generally valid for 6 months after purchase, if not a year, so you’ve got plenty of time to cash in.  In fact, I’d recommend that you wait a few weeks prior to trading in, as the participating stores and restaurants are usually totally mobbed immediately after the deal goes through.  I love my meat, but got enticed to pay $5 for $10 worth of vegan fare at a spot near my office.  The food turned out to be surprisingly delicious, but I did have to elbow my way through hipsters and sprout-eaters to get my tofu/avocado/hummus wrap when I went the very next day after the deal closed.

Finally, I was pleasantly surprised that employees do not look at you with disdain for being such a cheap bastard when you redeem your voucher (as they WILL if you bust out a voucher from Restaurant.com – ask my girlfriend). As I dug in to half-priced lobster guacamole at an LES Peruvian spot last week, the waitress even went so far as to say that she’d be cashing in her own Groupon too if she didn’t already work there, so there really is no embarrassment or shame factor. So get ahead.  Get your Group On.